A Dark Night in Kansas

[Spirit Unleashed]

How could a dirt road in northern Kansas be so tough? The Lunar Trek kicked my butt. 50K done in 7h14. A night of sweat and bugs and footing that was just a tad difficult or a tad up or down.

Mostly it was a night. It was the type of thing I yearn for as an ultra-marathoner and contemplative: a dark night of the soul. The type of night where crap is about all you can think of to say.
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On a dark road in Kansas, I got to find out how to be frustrated and patient, to keep going even though it hurts. I got to find out what I am made of, nothing really. I ran on through 7 hours of Kansas night, basically alone. For 4 hours, I breezed along. Its not like I suddenly hit a wall, but the last ten miles were hang in there time.
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A 50k should be easy, right? Its only 50k. Its not on technical trails. Its not on mountains. I don't even have any blisters. It shouldn't of kicked my butt but it did. Little miss work-out queen, I can run forever everyday, had to work for this one.
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After 4h30, passing the 20 mile aid station, I went on into the night. 30 minutes later, I knew I hurt and I wondered why I was doing this. Most of all, I thought if it didn't get light soon, I'd die. I'd wanted it to be light for two hours at least. Maybe most of my energy went into struggling with the dark, or wishing it wasn't dark, or just fumbling forward in the dark. I lived in a narrow petzyl world, able only to see that small circle of illumination in front of me.
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In the dark night of the soul, the place I like to get to in ultra-marathoning, I reach the end of my human resources. I can't get to this place, so far at least, without being in a race. At home in the park, I just make a rational decision to stop because I've had enough for the day. In the middle of a dark night in Kansas, the only option is to go on.
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As I approached the aid station which was about 25 min from the end, I teared up I was so happy to see it. A man there wore a t-shirt which said, "Recovery is an inside job." I knew what he was from his shirt. I told him I had 25 years. He related.
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Finishing dark nights is an inside job. Going through a dark night is what recovery is all about. Egos have no authority in the dark night. Inside jobs are usually messy, but they leave you with joy. When I finally did get to the finish, I teared up again, so happy I finished. I'm an old fart. I run slow. I finish. The race director checked his list. "Oh," he said, "you get to pick one of these." He pointed to several beautiful slices of tree branch which had been lacquered and labeled, "1st Place." I was over whelmed to get a beautiful piece of wood.
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Haha, I was the only one in my age group. I won!
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(Contemplate that!)

[orleansrunner1962]

Wrote in your log, but will write here too.... well done toughing it out.... I think it would be really hard mentally to "tough it out" in the dark, hour after hour.... well done.... I LOVE the prize too....

[DougG]

I love your reports. You seem to underestimate what you accomplished. I am in awe that you could do that.
Well done.

[CinC]

i could not imagine - running through the night.

amazing Ultra!

congratulations!

[HCcD]

You continue to inspire me with your continued physical strength and mental fortitude and honesty in your reports and journals, Laura ... Congratulations on another adventure having been completed ....

[trixiee]

Ditto to what the others have said. I love your race reports.
They make me think...

[5km]

I love your reports. You seem to underestimate what you accomplished. I am in awe that you could do that.
Well done.

Ditto

[ultraslacker]

The whole running all night thing is the main reason I don't want to do 100 miles. I think it would be really hard!! But you did it, and you finished well. Congrats. :)

[purdy65]

Awesome report!

Congrats Laura.

Sounds like quite an adventure!

Lisa

[Tori]

You continue to inspire me with your continued physical strength and mental fortitude and honesty in your reports and journals, Laura ... Congratulations on another adventure having been completed ....

+1

You are superwoman! Congrats!

[West Grey Runner]

[ratherBrunning]

Good job Spirit!

[Spirit Unleashed]

The whole running all night thing is the main reason I don't want to do 100 miles. I think it would be really hard!! But you did it, and you finished well. Congrats.

Yeah, I thought about 100 miles while I was doing this. I'd hit the night after running at least 50 miles. How incredible are these people to put up with pain and darkness. I guess thats why they halucinate.

My last pee break, I shut my eyes while I was squated down (trying to relax!), what I saw was unlike anything I've seen before: a bland pattern which reminded me of honey comb pattern. But I quickly opened them. For some reason, I didn't want to see that pattern.

[UltraQueenga]

Great report, spirit.
Way to battle the darkness and raise the bar in your ultras! Ultrarunning at night is as primal as it gets. You learn a lot about yourself, because there are fewer things distracting you. The hallucination part can be a lot of fun or kinda scary, depending on where you are on the "happiness" spectrum.
So, which 100 miler next?

ETA. I just checked out the Oklahoma 24hr race you're doing this fall. Hey, looks like a cool event. Have fun!

[kennie]

A really enjoyable post to read - very lyrical.

[Spirit Unleashed]

Great report, spirit.
... Ultrarunning at night is as primal as it gets. ...

Primal is exactly the right word.

[runningforme]

Wow - congratulations on an all-nighter of a completely different sort.

jenn

[chunkymonkeymelonhed]

Your report was a great read, as always.
Congrats to you on another amazing accomplishment. You do inspire Spirit!

[ian]

Challenging as it was, I suspect you'd have been disappointed if everything had been easy. Show us a picture of your trophy when you get a chance...